a mediocre dreamer

i'm convinced that life would be easier had humans not been born with fingernails. you wouldn't have to clip them, paint them, file them, and better yet, nothing would get stuck in them. all we'd have to do is come up with is a clever alternative to scratch ourselves every so often.

i say this because i spent nearly 6 hours in the kitchen making stuff for my sister's meeting tomorrow and i can still feel the chocolate/cookie crumb residue under my nails. my heels are sore from the hard floor too but i'm still so content right now. i could spend all day cooking. it's my calling; i'm sure of it.

my sister's shitzu now strikingly resembles an ewok after her session at the groomer. it was 2am and you could see the fatigue in her eyes, but she was still roaming around the kitchen for some food. i called her a fattie and my sister said it's cuz she takes after her aunt. that would be me. her name is rawlie, but she acts like a tinkerbell. she may as well have been raised by paris hilton... minus the trust fund and louis vuitton carrying purse.

tomorrow my lab partners will have to see me in the same sweater i wore on tuesday. i forget that life in socal doesn't quite follow the humdrum pace of its northern counterpart. eh, well..

a year ago tonight, a friend and i had a conversation that opened the way for a lot of new experiences in my life. i do believe that there's something to be gained from every relationship, but what happens when we manage to screw up God's good intentions? from time to time, i'll look back on my posts and wonder if anything's changed. have i grown? am i doing my part in encouraging and selflessly loving others? if i were like Christ, there would never be a limit after which i'd throw in the towel and walk away... but then again, if i were like Christ, loving others wouldn't be difficult. oh, how i long for the day when i will be reconciled to my Father - a glorified life of no shortcomings, no insecurities, and everything will be as it should be.

i can only imagine...

yipee! all the rain has given me the illusion that it's the holidays and i should be curled up on my couch (if only i had a functional fireplace) with a book, a blanky, some hot cocoa, and the company of beautiful friends. i can't wait till all the decorations and lights start going up. i know ppl share the common complaint that christmas has been so commercialized and outdone, but i love the happy feeling i get as i drive around with some sinatra, bing crosby, and nat king cole albums on rotation as rain droplets splatter joyfully across my windshield. heck, i'll even throw on some boyz ii men, mariah, and josh groban to add to the mood and make traffic more bearable. hurray for the holidays. i can't wait!

i practically had to tear myself away from the warmth of my couch and fleece blanket to get my butt to class today. cold weather makes me happy. so happy that i made a trip to the market just for fun. i bought some soup, bananas, and a klondike bar. you see, ice cream in cold weather is my favorite. mmmm that creamy vanilla goodness coated with a chocolate shell in a handy little square shape you can hold in the palm of your hand.

perhaps this lightened mood will be of some assistance as i write and re-write my personal statement for those treacherous nursing apps.

"Teach us, Good Lord, to labor and to ask for no reward save that of knowing that we do Thy will." -St. Ignatius Loyola

i realized this week just how much i need good women friends. jane graciously arranged a date for some of the working folk and me to meet in LA for dinner thurs night. by the time wednesday rolled around i was so anxious i could hardly concentrate on studying for my midterm. praise the Lord for sisterhood! i was almost craving the estrogen. thank you jane and sharon for a lovely evening. not that we did much, but just being around you both and knowing that there are some things only girls will understand was so refreshing.

how will i ever get married? i don't want a boy for a roommate forever =(

on a side note: after attempting to fill out a renewal fafsa, i'm convinced that i will never understand the concept of taxes. all the numbers and financial jargon made my head spin and my eyes cross. ms. jane kim, you can rest assured that you will have one committed client in the future. i'm keeping your accounting skills handy in my butt pocket. and who knows, maybe one day you'll be helping me manage my own little bakery with sharon as my HR person, jahndee as my attorney, and the rest of our circle contributing their 2 cents ;)

THE GOOD
fun, fun week. swimming & sleep-overs. dinner with the fam (minus ivy) + our boys. a close cal vs. usc game, trivial pursuit, and playing queen with cute little girls. church & islands with jane, softball w/a lucky catch, and dak-gal-bi. 2 new tutoring jobs. strawberry mochi ice cream and LOTS of iron chef!

THE BAD
too much playing and not enough studying. wrist is acting up, forcing me to use my inept left hand to control the mouse. for a klutz like me, it's very easy to get confused =/ dang that minesweeper!

THE UGLY
parents on my back and persistent nagging is turning me into a nutcase. zero patience with my mom, sadly. my streak of being productive, optimistic, patient and loving is wavering.

God, help me trust You and please give me Your peace that transcends all understanding.