Thursday, March 29, 2007

i'm alive!!!

...but just barely. I am stupid. Old chicken is a no-no, and if you knew how old, then you would shake your head and REALLY think I was stupid. AKwon, the scientist, says the bacteria in rotting foods emit toxins that are carcinogenic to the body. Excellent.

Food poisoning stinks. Vomiting for 9 hours straight stinks even more. And then there's the writhing in pain, cold sweats, fierce body convulsions, and throbbing head. I feel like someone shat on my face and then threw me under a bus. I missed all my appointments, didn't do my research, and will be out of commission for a bit longer. That's right, WOE IS ME.

I couldn't be more lucky to have a friend like Jojo at a time like this. Only the good girls have this maternal nursing quality about them, and only the GREAT girls would sacrifice themselves to offer it to an ailing friend. She came over last night armed with diet ginger ale, fat-free crackers, and a meh-woon hand to slap me repeatedly for my stupidity. Not only is this girl conscientious of my diet in times of illness, but she also generously reminded me of the good 'ol korean parenting days of "I-hit-you-because-I-love-you". Ah, nostalgia. I know beneath the scolding and yelling is a heart bursting with love=) She stayed the whole night to listen to me barf my brains out despite having to teach a full day's worth of 6th grade inner city torture the next morning. She even called to check up on me during lunch and then returned for more after work! This time with junbokjook and pedialyte in hand. Thank you Jesus for a sista like Jo. Many a man would be lucky to have her, but few would ever deserve her.




On a side note, I am craving home right about now.

Friday, March 23, 2007

what game?

K: No slutty business now, boys.

And with that, they were off. Three boys into the unforgiving world of social calamity and delusions. In other words, the playing field. Real world game. We all attempt it, and often times with unfounded eagerness. But, why? Why the insatiable need to talk, play, and obsess over The Game? And why the reluctant, yet naively hopeful search for validation in the places we are sure to find it the least?

"You are not the kind of guy who would be at a place like this at this time of morning. But here you are, and you cannot say that the terrain is entirely unfamiliar, although the details are fuzzy. You are at a nightclub talking to a girl with a shaved head...The night has already turned on that imperceptible pivot where two A.M. changes to six A.M. ...

You don't want to be talking to this bald girl, or even listening to her, which is all you are doing, but just now you do not want to test the powers of speech or locomotion...

The bald girl is emblematic of the problem. The problem is, for some reason you think you are going to meet the kind of girl who is not the kind of girl who would be at a place like this at this time of the morning. When you meet her you are going to tell her that what you really want is a house in the country with a garden. New York, the club scene, bald women - you're tired of all that. Your presence here is only a matter of conducting an experiment in limits, reminding yourself of what you aren't. "

-Jay McInerney in Bright Lights, Big City

People are lonely. When I look over at my very bare special finger on the left, I am reminded that I have reason to be too. What good was it to spare that finger from my old violent habit of cracking knuckles just to keep it slender for the rock it was to behold? Silly, but precocious little girl. Anyway, my recent stints of venturing onto the nightlife scene have reminded me why I took my hiatus many moons ago. Incompatibility. The Game is not there; at least not for me. I want real adventures. The quality kind.

According to some, we are all inevitably pawns in this so called Game. If that is the case, then I resign to the fact that by upping the ante in my playing field, I may be indenturing myself to a long and potentially fruitless journey ahead.

J: You know what it is? We're not the kind of girls people date. We're the kind of girls people marry.
K: ...Hmm.

I am A-OK with that.

Monday, March 19, 2007

words of wisdom

30 things every woman should have and should know by the time she’s 30

This 1997 Glamour article has become a popular web chain letter, usually titled “Maya Angelou’s Best Poem Ever.” Glamour contributor Pamela Redmond Satran is flattered, but she wrote the list, updating it in 2005.

By Pamela Redmond Satran


In May of 1997, I wrote this list. I had passed my thirtieth birthday and wanted to tell younger women about the things I really wished I’d had and known by that important milestone. I guess people agreed with what I had to say, because a few years later the list showed up in my e-mail inbox; a friend had forwarded it to me for my reading pleasure, completely unaware that I was the author. After that, every month or two someone would send it to me and I’d immediately hit “reply all” and type, “Hey, that was me! I wrote that for Glamour.” (After a while, I don’t think anyone believed me.) The list became a phenomenon; posted on hundreds of websites, it was attributed to everyone from Jesse Jackson to Maya Angelou to Hillary Clinton. Someone even published it as an anonymously written book. As I read over these lines now, so many of them still seem worth having and knowing—whether you’re 30 or 22 or 75. Being a little older and a little wiser, I’ve plugged in a few new “shoulds.” By all means, add some of your own.

By 30, you should have:

1

One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.

2

A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

3

Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

4

A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

5

A youth you’re content to move beyond.

6

A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

7

The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.

8

An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.

9

A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.

10

One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

11

A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.

12

Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.

13

The belief that you deserve it.

14

A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.

15

A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.


By 30, you should know:

1

How to fall in love without losing yourself.

2

How you feel about having kids.

3

How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

4

When to try harder and when to walk away.

5

How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

6

The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.

7

How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.

8

How to take control of your own birthday.

9

That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.

10

That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.

11

What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.

12

That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.

13

Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.

14

Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.

15

Why they say life begins at 30.


ehjoomuhcation

"Weathering is different from Erosion because, weathering has reaction's to it. On the other hand Erosion just destroy things. Their the same because, they are powerful, crush things."

David the Diva: That's cute, but wrong. Minus 3. Jojo, what are you teaching these kids???
(grading more papers)
David the Diva: ...
David the Diva: Dude, I'm confused.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

say a little prayer for me

Proverbes

10Qui peut trouver une femme vertueuse? Elle a bien plus de valeur que les perles.

11Le coeur de son mari a confiance en elle, Et les produits ne lui feront pas défaut.

12Elle lui fait du bien, et non du mal, Tous les jours de sa vie.

13Elle se procure de la laine et du lin, Et travaille d'une main joyeuse.

14Elle est comme un navire marchand, Elle amène son pain de loin.

15Elle se lève lorsqu'il est encore nuit, Et elle donne la nourriture à sa maison Et la tâche à ses servantes.

16Elle pense à un champ, et elle l'acquiert; Du fruit de son travail elle plante une vigne.

17Elle ceint de force ses reins, Et elle affermit ses bras.

18Elle sent que ce qu'elle gagne est bon; Sa lampe ne s'éteint point pendant la nuit.

19Elle met la main à la quenouille, Et ses doigts tiennent le fuseau.

20Elle tend la main au malheureux, Elle tend la main à l'indigent.

21Elle ne craint pas la neige pour sa maison, Car toute sa maison est vêtue de cramoisi.

22Elle se fait des couvertures, Elle a des vêtements de fin lin et de pourpre.

23Son mari est considéré aux portes, Lorsqu'il siège avec les anciens du pays.

24Elle fait des chemises, et les vend, Et elle livre des ceintures au marchand.

25Elle est revêtue de force et de gloire, Et elle se rit de l'avenir.

26Elle ouvre la bouche avec sagesse, Et des instructions aimables sont sur sa langue.

27Elle veille sur ce qui se passe dans sa maison, Et elle ne mange pas le pain de paresse.

28Ses fils se lèvent, et la disent heureuse; Son mari se lève, et lui donne des louanges:

29Plusieurs filles ont une conduite vertueuse; Mais toi, tu les surpasses toutes.

30La grâce est trompeuse, et la beauté est vaine; La femme qui craint l'Éternel est celle qui sera louée.

31Récompensez-la du fruit de son travail, Et qu'aux portes ses oeuvres la louent.


잠언

10누가 현숙한 여인을 찾아 얻겠느냐 그 값은 진주보다 더 하니라

11그런 자의 남편의 마음은 그를 믿나니 산업이 핍절치 아니하겠으며

12그런 자는 살아 있는 동안에 그 남편에게 선을 행하고 악을 행치 아니하느니라

13그는 양털과 삼을 구하여 부지런히 손으로 일하며

14상고의 배와 같아서 먼데서 양식을 가져 오며

15밤이 새기 전에 일어나서 그 집 사람에게 식물을 나눠주며 여종에게 일을 정하여 맡기며

16밭을 간품하여 사며 그 손으로 번 것을 가지고 포도원을 심으며

17힘으로 허리를 묶으며 그 팔을 강하게 하며

18자기의 무역하는 것이 이로운 줄을 깨닫고 밤에 등불을 끄지 아니하고

19손으로 솜뭉치를 들고 손가락으로 가락을 잡으며

20그는 간곤한 자에게 손을 펴며 궁핍한 자를 위하여 손을 내밀며

21그 집 사람들은 다 홍색 옷을 입었으므로 눈이 와도 그는 집 사람을 위하여 두려워하지 아니하며

22그는 자기를 위하여 아름다운 방석을 지으며 세마포와 자색 옷을 입으며

23그 남편은 그 땅의 장로로 더불어 성문에 앉으며 사람의 아는 바가 되며

24그는 베로 옷을 지어 팔며 띠를 만들어 상고에게 맡기며

25능력과 존귀로 옷을 삼고 후일을 웃으며

26입을 열어 지혜를 베풀며 그 혀로 인애의 법을 말하며

27그 집안 일을 보살피고 게을리 얻은 양식을 먹지 아니하나니

28그 자식들은 일어나 사례하며 그 남편은 칭찬하기를

29덕행 있는 여자가 많으나 그대는 여러 여자보다 뛰어난다 하느니라

30고운 것도 거짓되고 아름다운 것도 헛되나 오직 여호와를 경외하는 여자는 칭찬을 받을 것이라

31그 손의 열매가 그에게로 돌아갈 것이요 그 행한 일을 인하여 성문에서 칭찬을 받으리라


Proverbs 31:10-31
The Woman Who Fears the LORD
10[d] An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17She dresses herself[e] with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.[f]
22She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29"Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all."
30Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.

Footnotes:
d. Proverbs 31:10 Verses 10-31 are an acrostic poem, each verse beginning with the successive letters of the Hebrew alphabet
e. Proverbs 31:17 Hebrew She girds her loins
f. Proverbs 31:21 Or in double thickness

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

PARTY ON!!!

It is spring break, after all. But no, you will not find me sunbathing and sipping mai tais on a beach in Cancun, nor will you find me lounging around in my unmentionables in sunny California. I will be staying in NYC, as there is much to accomplish in my presumed "time off":

work because i'm friggin po'
apps for jobs and school
meetings/seminars
papers & case studies
loads of catch-up studying
oh yes, and a whole lot of playing - concerts, ballet, leisure reading, R&R.

Thank God for friends who drag you out of your dark place when you would rather mope, clean, and listen to sappy music.



"If we are all worms, then be a glow worm."

Thursday, March 08, 2007

When a little part of you dies inside...

Dear Jesus, You are so good to me, but I am going to let myself feel sad today.

I have not much to offer you
Not near what you deserve
But still I come because your cross
Has placed in me my worth

Oh, Christ my King of sympathy
Whose wounds secure my place
Your grace extends to call me friend
Your mercy sets me free

And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy
To call upon Your name
But because of grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed

I can't explain this kind of love
I'm humbled and amazed
That You'd come down from heaven's heights
And greet me face to face

Here I am at Your feet
In my brokenness complete

Saturday, March 03, 2007

POP

i don't remember the last time i ever drank a non-diet beverage. well, except for beer, that is, and even then i'll opt for the 'light' version if bearable. i wish they had diet grape soda. and pineapple soda. i love grape and pineapple soda.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

my calling.

The New York Times
Printer Friendly Format Sponsored By


February 28, 2007

Kitchen Chemistry Is Chic, but Is It a Woman's Place?


HERE’S how Loretta Keller, the chef at Coco500 in San Francisco, makes chocolate cake, one of her trademark desserts: She melts butter and chocolate together, stirs in egg yolks, sugar and flour, and adds beaten egg whites. She bakes and cools the cake, refrigerates it for two hours to give it the texture she likes, and brings it to room temperature before serving with whipped cream.

And here’s how Will Goldfarb, the chef at Room 4 Dessert in NoLIta, makes one of his specialties, as outlined on his Web site, willpowder.net: “Bring 100 ml milk to a boil with sugar,” it begins. Infuse roasted cocoa seeds and coffee beans, it adds, going on:

“Strain, and purée 100 ml infusion with methylcellulose following instructions for hydration. Bring to 80-90C then rapidly chill to 4C. Warm remaining 300 ml milk to dissolve gelatin: reserve at 35C. Begin whipping methylcellulose base in mixer, slowly adding gelatin base and making a stable mousse. Freeze in molds, unmold, and warm to order in the salamander.”

Gender differences in professional cooking probably go back to the hunters and gatherers — more precisely, to the day it first occurred to the hunters to award four stars to themselves and none to the gatherers. But rarely have the differences seemed as stark as they do now, when the chefs winning some of the most bedazzled press coverage in memory belong to a breed of culinary artists who are overwhelmingly male.

These chefs are devotees of Ferran Adrià, whose El Bulli restaurant, on the Costa Brava of Spain a couple of hours from Barcelona, produces lengthy meals made up of dozens of little chemistry experiments — food that has been wreaked into powders, foams, extrusions and gels designed to deliver head-spinning doses of flavor, texture and aroma. It’s a rarefied cuisine, to say the least, calling for kitchens outfitted like laboratories and grocery lists headed by liquid nitrogen.

Yet it has changed the definition of greatness in restaurant cooking. Today a chef needs the most advanced technology, not just the ripest peaches, to qualify for stardom. Last fall Gourmet magazine named Alinea — the Chicago restaurant known as the leading exemplar of Adrià-inspired cooking in America — best in country.

But where are the women? They’ve long been underrepresented in the upper echelons of restaurant cooking. But the imbalance is even more stark in the realm of laser-incinerated cornstarch. Round up all the women entranced by high-tech cuisine in America, and they could easily fit into a Jacuzzi. Some of the most experienced female chefs are persuaded that the new cuisine will never attract many women. It’s just too ... male.

“It’s not very nourishing emotionally,” said Ann Cooper, author of “ ‘A Woman’s Place Is in the Kitchen,’ ” a history of female chefs in America. “This is a huge generalization, but women’s cooking has always been based on nurturing. Tall food was a male invention; women weren’t doing much of it. Basically, women feed people.”

Yet the few women who do work in the new culinary laboratories tell a different story. They don’t feel like interlopers or male impersonators. They’re simply becoming chefs — and they’re doing it in an entirely different way from the women who preceded them.

Traditionally, the only way for an ambitious woman to get experience in the world of professional cooking was to plunge into the chaos of a typical testosterone-driven restaurant kitchen. That’s if she was lucky enough to get in the door in the first place. (California has long been an exception: female-friendly kitchens have been standard there ever since Alice Waters opened Chez Panisse in 1971.) But when it comes to the new cuisine, the old rules don’t seem to apply.

Pamela Yung, for instance, didn’t have to steel herself to face a hostile French kitchen, nor did she train in California. She didn’t train anywhere. After majoring in computer science and design at the University of Michigan, she was working in a Detroit design firm when she saw a notice on eGullet, the food-maven Web site. Mr. Goldfarb was about to open Room 4 Dessert and needed a stagiaire, or trainee, who would work long hours for low pay. “On a whim, I e-mailed him,” said Ms. Yung, 24.

She started work the day the before the restaurant opened. “I was completely overwhelmed,” she said. “I just did whatever I was told.” But she wasn’t intimidated by the machinery, and today she’s a believer, perfectly comfortable turning out white beer sorbets, Earl Grey tea panna cottas and apricot flake salt.

“The machines just give you more options,” she said. “They’re not traditional cooking utensils, but they’re cooking utensils, and they’re going to become the norm.”

Her best friend in the food world is Rosio Sanchez, also 24, who studied pastry in the Cordon Bleu program in Chicago and worked briefly at Park Avenue Cafe before being hired by Alex Stupak, the pastry chef at WD-50 on the Lower East Side. “I was very nervous,” Ms. Sanchez said. “So many chemicals — gums, methylcellulose, maltodextrin.”

But she credited Mr. Stupak and Wylie Dufresne, the founder of WD-50, with running a nonhierarchical kitchen where beginners, including women, can thrive. “It’s a great place to get trained,” she said. “We’ve got total access to all the ingredients, and anyone with free time will grab stuff and try things. If you mess up, nobody yells at you, because we’re all trying to learn.”

Then there’s Danielle Soranno, 23, a station chef at Alinea who had a few years of professional cooking when she started there four months ago. Although she is the only woman among 30 cooks, she said she has nothing but admiration for how the place runs. “This is the smoothest, cleanest, best-organized kitchen I’ve ever seen,” she said.

What’s more, women working in the new mode say they don’t feel they are missing out on the elemental satisfactions of traditional cooking. Elena Arzak, the much-praised Spanish chef at her family’s century-old Restaurante Arzak in San Sebastian, was profoundly influenced by El Bulli and is developing her own take on Mr. Adrià’s innovations. But she insisted that a chemistry-based cuisine can be as warm and personal as any other. “The science just helps me cook,” she said.

Ms. Soranno pointed out that the cooks at Alinea have to know all the classics — stocks, reductions, even cakes — as well as be able to experiment. (She admitted that she likes to make soup and bake bread on her days off.) Ms. Yung is just happy to be in the business of feeding people. “It’s so natural and fundamental,” she said. “That’s why I wanted to cook. So I’m giving someone foam, instead of a piece of cake. What’s the difference?”

The women who work in these new-style kitchens say ideas and open-mindedness are the currency, not vitriol and bravado, and that the heavy lifting is not physical but intellectual. David Arnold, director of culinary technology at the French Culinary Institute in New York, said that women are just as intrigued as men when he gives demonstrations of the new ingredients and techniques. “I don’t think this mode of cooking is skewed by gender,” he said.

Maybe all the machines and chemicals are contributing to a revolution other than the one about frozen air and warm gelatin. “Restaurant kitchens were organized like military brigades, because that was the only way to turn out such a volume of work and make all the fast decisions that were necessary,” said Mr. Goldfarb of Room 4 Dessert. “Now it’s more like the modern military, using technology as opposed to brute strength.”

But many women dreaming of a restaurant career still may not see the appeal of a laboratory kitchen. Ms. Yung and Ms. Sanchez have been struck by how few women are in high-end restaurant kitchens of any sort. “We’re always wondering where the girls are,” Ms. Yung said.

Maybe settling on an official name for the movement would help. The chief contenders — “space age,” “hypermodern” or “extreme” cuisine — come straight from boys’ comic books. But in America, at least, the movement has a history its partisans never talk about — a history that happens to be packed with women.

It was the home economists of the late 19th century who first had the idea of transforming the old-fashioned kitchen into a sleek, modern chemistry lab, so that cooking would no longer be seen as traditional women’s drudgery but would rise to the status of a science worthy of the finest male mind. Why not acknowledge these roots and call it “Celebrity Home Ec”?

If women do start showing up in the new technocooking in significant numbers, Gabrielle Hamilton, who provides unpretentious but flavor-packed food at her restaurant, Prune, in the East Village, will be watching with interest.

“Historically, when women move into men’s work it loses value,” she said. “Maybe we’ll see the pay drop, and the science suddenly getting called ‘soft.’ I’ll say this: If you see me doing foams at Prune, you’ll know the whole thing has gone down the tube.”


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