a mediocre dreamer

i had lunch with andychon today. i would say i spent most of the time defending myself against his snide remarks but perhaps i'm confusing that with our other conversations. i think he enjoys putting me on the spot... especially cuz he knows it torments me.

hi andy. thanks for lunch.

i'm gonna steal andy's phrase and also say that retreat was EXACTLY what i needed. i was so sad to leave. i've never had a more unique experience: ppl ranging from 1 yrs old to 50; the perfect mix of learning, freetime, and fun. i don't know where i'll be spiritually a year from now, but i know this retreat and kcpc will have prepared me all the more for it.

recap
-msgs from p.craven that were like smacks to my face with a touch of love
-a long overdue talk with booty
-fun with babies, youth group, yag-ers, and married ppl
-amanda ditching me when she wanted to talk =)
-bruises on my arm from playing volleyball that look like mold growth
-facing my sin and fighting through it
-gaining the peace of God which transcends all understanding

Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You my Lord

friday: i finally found something i'm worse at than football... tennis.
fri/sat: officer hang out was so fun. p.eug needs a change of bowling form, p.ting has my utmost respect for his unique hobby, ryan is stanford's fred, and I BOWLED A 136!
sat: 12-3pm --> had the most productive 3 hours all week (laundry, errands, lots of thinking).
6-7pm --> went up to lbl to watch the sunset over the golden gate. had an amazing time of solitude and clarity.
8pm on --> not wanting to study

andychon is mean and crushed my dreams of having a disney princess bowling ball.

WISING UP

3:20am. midterm in 7 hrs. distracted. mysterious bruises along the length of my thigh.

hanging by my pinky nail. failure so vivid i can taste it.

Lord, please help me to consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing You. To consider them rubbish, that i may gain You and be found in You.

Philippians 3:7-12

i think i just burned my pudding. it's supposed to taste like vanilla but i just taste smoke. how can anyone burn pudding.

intended purchases:
Cal basketball season tickets = $90
denim jacket to replace lost one = $50
new wallet = ??
classic black purse = ??

sunday nights are such a blessing. i never knew it could feel so good to be wrong. thank you God for being bigger than me; for showing me just how much You have been working to bring me to this very point, even if i realize it only in retrospect.

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God is doing a work in me
He’s walking through my rooms and halls
Checking every corner
Tearing down the unsafe walls
And letting in the light
And I am working hard
To clean my house and set it straight
Not let pride get in the way
To catch an eternal vision of
What I am to become

Will you help me be new
Will you hold me to the promises
That I have made
Will you let me be new
Forgive my old self, and my old mistakes

It seems easier
Living out my life in Christ
For those do not know it
To hide the thorn stuck in my side
And all my secret faults
But you know me well
And it’s you I want the most to see
And recognize the changes
A word from you empowers me
To press on for my goal

Will you help me be new
Will you hold me to the promises
That I have made
Will you let me be new
Forgive my old self, and my old mistakes

When I feel condemned to live my old life
Remind me I’ve been given a new life in Christ

Will you
You know me well

re-evaluating my life. changing priorities. giving attention where it's due.