Wednesday, September 19, 2007
remix
Lately, I've found myself going to through waves of missing and resisting the East Coast. I had never really given LA a chance, but I'm realizing more and more that nothing beats the comforts of home. Life is easy here and there's nothing quite like the familiar. I enjoy the time with family and appreciate - no, value - reconnecting with old friends.
Linda and Joe's wedding (and the time/events leading up to it) made me realize a few things: I have this tendency to underestimate friendships, well, my importance in them anyway. I undermine my worth to other people, often feel disconnected, and convince myself that any interaction is a forced formality. Then, instead of reaching out and trying harder, I pull away, thereby estranging myself further and perpetuating the ugly cycle. This is a frequent occurrence with me, which is why (1) I continue to bear the name, Miss Gloom-n-Doom; (2) I resort to moving away repeatedly and making new friends to fill the void; and (3) the old adage, "make new friends and keep the old" is put to shame. BUT... yes, thank the Lord there is a BUT... things felt different last week as my college girlfriends and I prepared for Linda and Joe's big day. Hannah was back from Kansas, we were all seeing more of each other (far exceeding our once per month quota), and for the first time in a long while, it felt like we rid ourselves of apathy and reveled in preserving this special moment for Linda... and, perhaps, ourselves. I was reminded of how important my friends are and how I need to stop being so fatalistic. Thank you Linda and Joe! And pardon the confessions of a no longer teenage drama queen.
Linda and Joe's wedding (and the time/events leading up to it) made me realize a few things: I have this tendency to underestimate friendships, well, my importance in them anyway. I undermine my worth to other people, often feel disconnected, and convince myself that any interaction is a forced formality. Then, instead of reaching out and trying harder, I pull away, thereby estranging myself further and perpetuating the ugly cycle. This is a frequent occurrence with me, which is why (1) I continue to bear the name, Miss Gloom-n-Doom; (2) I resort to moving away repeatedly and making new friends to fill the void; and (3) the old adage, "make new friends and keep the old" is put to shame. BUT... yes, thank the Lord there is a BUT... things felt different last week as my college girlfriends and I prepared for Linda and Joe's big day. Hannah was back from Kansas, we were all seeing more of each other (far exceeding our once per month quota), and for the first time in a long while, it felt like we rid ourselves of apathy and reveled in preserving this special moment for Linda... and, perhaps, ourselves. I was reminded of how important my friends are and how I need to stop being so fatalistic. Thank you Linda and Joe! And pardon the confessions of a no longer teenage drama queen.
Click below to view photos.
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| linda & joe's wedding |
Anyway, with regards to my last post, I ended up choosing Philly much to the dismay of the SF fans. Philly got absolutely NO love. Hello, East Coast peeps? You are supposed to be making me feel confident about my choice. Fortunately for you all, I am. Maybe the elitist UCSF will once again consider me for their doctorate program one day. One day. I have a love/hate relationship with life as a student, and yet I continually find myself going back to school. What is WRONG with me?! Masochism. Sheer masochism.
EDIT: Why Philly, you ask? Well since I left NYC, I've continued to feel as though I have some unfinished business left on the East Coast. I never really left - the little Upper West Side studio with my name on it says so. San Francisco won my heart long ago and I may very well end up there one day. In the meantime, though, there's still some nomadic fire left in this youthful, albeit worn, body so why not have a few last shebangs while I can.
EDIT: Why Philly, you ask? Well since I left NYC, I've continued to feel as though I have some unfinished business left on the East Coast. I never really left - the little Upper West Side studio with my name on it says so. San Francisco won my heart long ago and I may very well end up there one day. In the meantime, though, there's still some nomadic fire left in this youthful, albeit worn, body so why not have a few last shebangs while I can.
