a mediocre dreamer

it's so dang hot. you wouldn't know the degree to which the heat is affecting my thinking unless you were jahndee or amanda who witnessed me realized that i had left my engine on and locked my keys in the door after having spent over an hour inside costco.

the street lights must be hot too cuz they just aren't working. none of them.

this has been the most mild pms week ever. boys never seem to get that pms stands for PRE-menstrual cycle, meaning it's the week before our actual period that girls get flamingly emotional and angry. but thankfully with the mildly successful completion of finals and with all the activity going on these days, this cycle hasn't been too harsh. thanks to everyone who has kept my mind off hating myself for this week:

*all the seniors for making me think about ppl other than myself. i'm gonna miss you guys immensely.

*my fat guys for listening to me when necessary and more importantly ignoring me when necessary.

*carroll, who sat through all my ranting at the library and still managed to be my friend.

*roy, for being feminine enough to watch moulin rouge with me even though you fell asleep as usual.

*kwan for keeping our 24-hour truce of not hating each other.

*basile & woody, for inviting me to play catch and then making up a cool game (it's amazing what fun you can have with a rubber ball on a string and a frisbee)

*the parker house boys, for letting us raid your home to watch bball dunking competitions and harry potter 2.

THANKS EVERYONE!

i'd like you to witness my stimulating conversation with roy as we both suffer from sleep-deprivation delerium.
b o y 52: woozle wozzle
b o y 52: say that out loud.. it sounds really funny
b o y 52: trust me!
b o y 52: "woozle wozzle"
b o y 52: hahahaahahah
s URF cloud 9: i'll pass on the scoop of idoit
s URF cloud 9: idiot
b o y 52: pass it on where?
b o y 52: scoop of idiot?
b o y 52: are you treating this as ice cream or something?
b o y 52: weirdface
s URF cloud 9: fart breath
b o y 52: buttbreath
s URF cloud 9: that's copying
b o y 52: buttbreath is more fun to say
b o y 52: feces-face
s URF cloud 9: toe jam
b o y 52: ...
s URF cloud 9: eye crust
b o y 52: lets use our creative juices, shall we
b o y 52: butt crust
s URF cloud 9: feet breath
b o y 52: butt-biter
b o y 52: urine drinker
s URF cloud 9: ear wax licker
s URF cloud 9: belly button lint taster
s URF cloud 9: asparagus pee sipper
b o y 52: thats not even gross
b o y 52: diarrhea sipper
s URF cloud 9: vomit gulper
s URF cloud 9: butt munch
b o y 52: pee backwasher
b o y 52: fart inhaler
s URF cloud 9: saliva taste-a-thon champion
b o y 52: bang-goo ul-guhl
s URF cloud 9: i win. you ran out of things
b o y 52: what?!
b o y 52: YOU ran out of things
b o y 52: what the heck is saliva taste-a-thon champion
s URF cloud 9: dude, that's something
s URF cloud 9: don't be a sore loser
b o y 52: i even went to great lengths and used korean
b o y 52: suhl-sah face
s URF cloud 9: you're recycling everything we just said
b o y 52: no
b o y 52: i havent said suhl-sah face
s URF cloud 9: i mean translating it foolio
b o y 52: k
b o y 52: leg hair muncher
s URF cloud 9: chest hair dental flosser
b o y 52: arm pit hair wig recycler
b o y 52: i win
s URF cloud 9: butt hair rub against your facer
b o y 52: sick
s URF cloud 9: i WIN.
b o y 52: thats sick
s URF cloud 9: don't mess.
b o y 52: butt hair against a face is sick
b o y 52: gnite
b o y 52: cacapoopoopeepee head
b o y 52 signed off at 5:18:02 AM.

he lost. what a genius.

jahndee's comments
Kpxgrlx012: not sleeping?
s URF cloud 9: i'm having a wit competition with roy
s URF cloud 9: he's losing badly
Kpxgrlx012: yeah
Kpxgrlx012: i bet
Kpxgrlx012: hes not witty for sure

two passing comments made by a close friend today made me wonder if ppl actually know the real me. then it made me wonder if i'd actually ever let them.

went home this past weekend and brought back pictures from my golden years 20 pounds ago. i'm so determined to look like that again even if it means i have to cover the walls from floor to ceiling with those photographs. what a waste of a fit body in high school; it's NOW that i have to find a stinkin husband!

exercise log: 40 mins of cardio
----library interruption-----
muscle toning & abs tonight

looking over the graduation schedule got me wondering if ppl would make it out to mine next year. then i remembered i'm in the same major as roy chung. apparently he's idolized among the people of fic so at least i can pretend that a few of them are there to see me.

thanks for the hoards of adoring fans, roy. i'll be expecting a large audience.

I used to wonder why or how i became such a dreamer. it's caused me so much grief and frustration in the past, especially when i was unable to express the things that went on in my head. i can hear the music, i can visualize the dance, and i feel what's coming next... but i've never been gifted with the skills to give my visions life. God has perplexed me with this my entire life. Now i can respond with feelings of inadequacy OR appreciation for those who realize everything i can only imagine with genuine talent.

i know i have my love/hate cycles with people, but they really do amaze me sometimes.

lately i've been realizing how good i must be at making a fool of myself. ppl laughed during our gospel ganstas rendition, others gawked at my horrendous costume at senior banquet, and i'm not even including all the other stuff from the past 2.5 yrs here. compliments are thoughtful, but really they're are just acknowledging my skill to make a spectacle of myself. it's ok, no shame, no shame...